Living in a world where it’s completely routine for someone, even a doctor, to tell you to “manifest” what you want has become the everyday norm. Most people hear it, roll their eyes, and move on. Others hear it and decide they want to try to apply it to their lives. Then there’s those of us who have OCD, who hear it and think “what if I’m manifesting negativity with all of my negative, intrusive, unwanted thoughts”?
A little over 15 years ago, a book came out that shook the entire world. My mom urged me to read it, and gave it to me to borrow.
I got through some of it, and was immediately getting the exact opposite out of this book than was intended. The book was “The Secret”, and it was all about how to “manifest your dreams” through the law of attraction.
The book talked about how putting your positive thoughts into the world will bring positivity back to you, and what you think will become reality. My conclusion, of course, was that my negative, intrusive thoughts, that are so very common with OCD, were going to cause those horrible things to actually happen.
The concept of “The Secret” is definitely pseudoscience at best, but I consider myself a fairly spiritual person. I’ve always believed in things like reincarnation and the afterlife, and have read multiple books on those subjects, and other “new age” subjects alike. This though, was the exact opposite of what anyone with OCD should ever read.
It’s the possibility of the teachings of “The Secret” being true that really messed with my brain, and it is something I’ve been struggling with for over 15 years now, since I first opened that damn book.
I’ve heard many successful people over the years talk about how they owe their success to “positive thinking”, and “putting thoughts of what they want” into the world. That’s all wonderful for them, but here’s the problem with that: Not all of us have positive thoughts. All the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and medication in the world is not going to necessarily change that for us.
I’ve been struggling with OCD for 30 years now. I was diagnosed at the age of 8, after multiple doctors and probably almost a year of symptoms. I wrote a 3-part blog post about my OCD story a couple of months back (you can read it here– Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3). I’ve tried CBT, been on almost every medication I could try, and my thought pattern has never stopped.
I’m definitely better than I was when I was younger, and I’ve learned how to deal with it a lot, but it’s still there, and I don’t foresee it going away anytime in the near future, as much as I’d love it to.
I want to be one of those people who thinks positive thoughts at all times, who doesn’t jump right into the negative. But my brain just isn’t wired that way, and I have to put in a lot of effort to try to have any these thoughts consistently.
When you have OCD, your thoughts can be invasive and seemingly random, and there’s no telling what will trigger them.
What is “The Secret” and “Manifesting”?
In 2006, a short film came out that caught the attention of a lot of people. Shortly after, the book, which is written by Rhonda Byrne and is a little less than 200 pages, was released and quickly was a best seller. Before you knew it, “The Secret” was on the mind of millions of people worldwide.
In “The Secret”, it is claimed that thoughts can change a person’s life directly. The author speaks of a three part process– ask, believe, and receive. This is based on the Bible teachings, Matthew 21:22: “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”
In more recent years, everything has switched over to the term “manifesting”. Manifesting your dreams, manifesting this, manifesting that. It’s the same thing as “The Secret”, just in a different package. You’re putting your positive thoughts and dreams into the universe, and told they will appear in your life from this magical thinking.
It’s a nice thought, but I don’t think people are thinking about people whose brains are wired differently than theirs.
Manifesting is a Dangerous Thought Process for OCD
My OCD is pretty consistent with one thing– if I have the urge to do a ritual, I have to do it because if I don’t, my brain tells me that “something bad will happen”. That “something bad” can change, and it has over the years, although it has a pretty consistent theme.
There were years when that “something bad” was linked to my fear of vomit and vomiting– if I didn’t do the ritual, I would vomit. When my stomach issues were at its worst in middle school and high school, this was a common obsession for me.
There were years when it was related to my grandparents’ health. If I didn’t do the ritual, they would get sick, or die.
I know how ridiculous this all sounds– that not doing an action was directly related to me causing harm of some kind. But really, when you think about it, how different is it from people who don’t have a mental illness and think that they can “manifest” positivity with the power of their thoughts? It’s not all that different, just the polar opposite.
The most common and consistent one though was (and still is) related to my parents. Same as the one with my grandparents. Even typing these words, I still fear the “manifestation” of it, putting those words into the universe (writing it would be even stronger than simply thinking it), and bringing it to myself unwittingly.
My parents are my best friends, my support, my everything. The thought of losing them is more than I can handle, and my OCD (obsessions) is directly connected to their health, and thoughts of anything happening to them.
When I first read this book at the age of 20 or 21, it left an imprint on my brain like a tattoo. It’s there forever, and it’s always in the back of my head. If manifesting works for positive thoughts, it definitely works for negative thoughts too, right?
I may not be thinking the negative thoughts at all times, but I can’t control what comes into my mind when my brain tells me I need to perform a ritual, for whatever reason. It could be having to go over my handwriting until it looks and feels “right”, it could be having to touch something with both hands and/or both feet, making it feel “even”.
Whatever the case, my brain tells me in the span of a moment that if I do not do the ritual, something bad will happen, and it comes up with that bad thing on the spot.
What if when I think about these negative things, I make it happen? One of the reasons I kept doing my rituals for years was because I was afraid if and when something bad did happen to one of my family members, I would blame myself because I didn’t stop the thought quickly enough by completing that ritual.
You see, if you don’t do the ritual, the obsessions run in your brain like a broken record. “You didn’t didn’t make that even. The bad thing is going to happen. What if the bad thing happens? The bad thing, the bad thing, the bad thing…..”
It’s a horrible way to live, but living with superstitions is what it’s like to live with OCD. The problem is, “manifestation” and “The Secret” has made that even worse for me. I can’t be alone in this either, I’m sure it has affected others with OCD as well.
A lot of people might say that thinking this way is ridiculous, and it’s not real. That’s all well and good to say, but when you are constantly reading about and hearing successful people like celebrities and entrepreneurs talk about how they owe their entire career to manifesting their dreams, manifesting their destiny, how am I not supposed to believe in it?
Celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Ariana Grande, Jay-Z, Jim Carey, Lady Gaga, and more claim they “owe” their careers to manifesting. These are pretty successful individuals, and hearing them claim this aggravates me so much, because it’s so harmful to people like me, who have such trouble controlling their thoughts.
I’ve had actual doctors tell me to just manifest what I want, and they’re scientists.
It’s such a dangerous way of thinking for those of us with OCD, and I am so bothered by the popularity of it, because it just feels like a “well, that sucks for you if can’t control negative, intrusive thoughts caused by an actual medical condition. But I’ll be over here successful because I manifested it.”
So next time you’re thinking about telling someone to just “manifest” what they want, think about how other people’s brains are wired differently from yours, and rethink it.
